another time

meet me when i'm older
i'll be so much better
and all that you'll ask for
wait for me to fascinate

LOVE, ACTUALLY.

She dreams with the wind
in search of inspiration and beauty
never before captured in this time and place

She breathes life into words
that have lost their meaning
from the indestructible rumble --
the rumble whose cacophony
forced precious souls to find
refuge in the darkness.

It is she, whose purity
inspired even the meekest of creatures
The being who spoke of compassion
in a broken world


She is the melody to my words
the stunning instrument
that becomes more resilient
each time it sings

Her voice --
Must I imagine a path
inaudible to her grace?
i dare not.

For if that were the case
tears would never cease
sighs would go unnoticed
& smiles would lose their reason

Cheerful Skepticism?

I got myself thinking this morning: is there a limit to how much happiness (luck, etc.) a person or his or her family receives at a given time? I know it's a silly thought, but it is nonetheless, a thought. Not a deep intellectual thought, but I think it's worth mentioning. Incoherent babbling is necessary sometimes. Anyway --

It all started this morning, well for me it was morning. It was actually 12 PM. I woke up to my father and sister expressing their joy as my sister received a letter that confirmed her fate as a nurse. For the past week or so, we both anticipated the mail to arrive; letters from institutions that would seal our future. I'm still awaiting my letters of acceptance (and possibly rejection) from colleges... and it got me thinking -- if I get accepted from the college my choice (UCLA), then wouldn't there be an imbalance of emotions in the world? Maybe my future happiness will disturb the happiness of another person. This is coming from the mentality that not everybody can he happy and that happiness is like a limited edition figurine that not everybody can play with at the same time. Sounds crazy, but if too many good things happen to one family, wouldn't you question its existence and duration? Maybe it's not my time to get what I want. Maybe it's my sisters.

This thought has driven me crazy because it conveys my skeptic side, which I often dislike, mainly because I want to believe in all things that happen in the world. Why is it so hard for me to believe that one family can have everything they ever wanted, no strings attached? It's too surreal for me. Would that make me a cynic? Why can't I just accept the good things that happen to me without lingering thoughts? Not just me, but people in general. Why do we question ever bit of happiness that gets delivered our way overnight without the payment of $14.40?

I should find out before April where I'm going to college. Frat parties here I come. JUST KIDDING. definitely kidding.

temporary.

I wrote a poem about a certain friendship that I feel is fading away. & that's the hard thing, to watch something so beautiful die and feel so helpless about it. I tried, I honestly tried, but I can't anymore. We'll both find happiness in different cities, and maybe in a few years, maybe months perhaps, we'll see each other again & laugh about how we used to be best friends. And then we'll question what went wrong and find ourselves analyzing every single moment we shared in laughter or despair, & discuss other random moments our hearts never seemed to forget. You know, the ones that made me fall in love with you.

On the bright side (because there always is a bright side), my oh so whimsical friend & I spontaneously bought a chocolate fudge cake. You know why? .. because we were hungry. The surprise was in the dozen cookies we ate half of. Someday I'll be a cookie expert. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking. So what, I satisfied my hunger today.